SO WHERE DO I GET MY CONFIDENCE FROM?
Here’s a little secret: my own parents don’t know I am a boudoir photographer.
Yea, you read that right. They have no idea. Well, I think my mom has an idea but I think she only understands that I take photos of people.. anyways…
Let’s rewind a bit here. - I am a Canadian born female filipino, raised by strict immigrant Filipino catholic parents. Imagine being an only child when my parents were both the youngest of their huge families - My mom had 8 siblings while my dad had 7. Yea.. as an only child, they were both laser focused on me.
As a typical child of an immigrant family, expectations were held high in everything: my studies, my appearance. How I presented myself reflected on them. I was told that medicine, engineering and law were the only studies worthy of their approval. “Sit up straight; say please and thank you; don’t walk after dark; Don’t do this; don't do that..” I could go on and on. Especially as a woman, a lot of these unspoken expectations are buried deep in our subconscious.
To put it bluntly, I was a not a happy child because I was constantly told that in order to be a good person, their ideal child, I must do these things. I’ve learned to cope and manage these seasons. Through the years I’ve learned to unlearn and deflect many of the ideas that tell you that you’re not good enough.
My story isn’t unique. I know. That’s why I’m sharing it with you. There comes a point in your life where you finally give up on trying to fit into what other people think you should do or be.
When you finally stop letting other people govern your thoughts, that’s when your life begins.
Circle back - Yea, my parents don’t know I am a boudoir photographer. Frankly, I don’t think they care all that much about what I do anymore. As long as I am happy and can take care of myself, they are happy.
Why? Because I’ve proven to them again and again that I always choose my happiness. If they want to be part of my life, great, if not, I have no problems with putting boundaries in place.
First step to learning confidence was putting strict boundaries to protect my inner peace.
You may not be in a place where you can set boundaries from your family members, however, you can set boundaries for your own thoughts to start your body acceptance journey.
My top 5 Boundaries that helped me:
- Stop commenting on other people's bodies. Not aloud. Not in your head. When they come, acknowledge them but don’t linger.
- Stop tugging or lifting parts of your body when you look in the mirror. Just stop.
- Store away clothes that don’t feel good.
- Unfollow, unsubscribe, block, delete anyone and anything that criticizes body images or makes you feel insecure.
- Do not make comments about other people’s appearance if they cannot fix it within 5 minutes. If they have something in their teeth, cool, let them know.
Take a moment to notice your thought processes and stop them before they consume you.