Today was hard
As I got up from the floor, I could feel my heavy belly pull me back down. My legs have to work extra hard to carry all this weight.
But it’s not just the physical weight anymore...
I started to cry as I waddled to the washroom to pee for the 1048572x today.
Physically tired,
mentally drained,
emotionally on the edge
everything came at once
again, like always
Fear
Doubt
Dread
Overcame me.
Was this the right choice?
Are we ready? Am I ready?
Then I felt what I’ve feared the most - regret
As someone who’s self employed, I don’t get maternity leave. I don’t get a day off. I don’t get much of a break in between preparing, labour and welcoming a baby. Thinking of the never ending lists of things I need to do, get and figure out before the baby comes. I can’t help but feel so much regret...
“We’ll be okay” he says reminding me that our parents have struggled. They were immigrants, they were younger with less experience
& they figured it out.
“We’ll be okay,
I love you. You’re my bestfriend.
We have each other”.
He reminded me of the amount of love and support we have in our lives.
Why we came back.
Baby kicks
“Stress is not good for baby,” everyone says.
I know. I know. I know.
Baby kicks again.
Sobbing, I hold my belly,
“I’m sorry baby, moms not okay today
but I know we’ll be okay.”
———
Yesterday was #WorldMentalHealthDay. Despite battling depression all my life and feeling like I am fully equipped to overcome these dark days, these recent extreme life changes have been hard.
I want to remind you that even if you do everything you can to take care of yourself:
Eat better, exercise daily, meditate, journal and put yourself first, that it’s okay to ask for extra help.
I will always be okay. I am resilient and surrounded by love.❤️
I share these stories so you know you’re not alone and encourage others to share too. The mom support has been amazing & I am so grateful. You’re not alone and your feelings are valid.
