self doubt. why did I do this to us


Today was hard⁣⁣

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As I got up from the floor, I could feel my heavy belly pull me back down. My legs have to work extra hard to carry all this weight. ⁣⁣

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But it’s not just the physical weight anymore...⁣⁣

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I started to cry as I waddled to the washroom to pee for the 1048572x today. ⁣⁣

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Physically tired, ⁣⁣

mentally drained,⁣⁣

emotionally on the edge⁣⁣

⁣⁣

everything came at once ⁣⁣

again, like always⁣⁣

⁣⁣

Fear⁣⁣

Doubt⁣⁣

Dread ⁣⁣

Overcame me. ⁣⁣

⁣⁣

Was this the right choice?⁣⁣

Are we ready? Am I ready?⁣⁣

Then I felt what I’ve feared the most - regret⁣⁣

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As someone who’s self employed, I don’t get maternity leave. I don’t get a day off. I don’t get much of a break in between preparing, labour and welcoming a baby. Thinking of the never ending lists of things I need to do, get and figure out before the baby comes. I can’t help but feel so much regret...⁣⁣

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“We’ll be okay” he says reminding me that our parents have struggled. They were immigrants, they were younger with less experience⁣⁣

& they figured it out. ⁣⁣

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“We’ll be okay, ⁣⁣

I love you. You’re my bestfriend. ⁣⁣

We have each other”. ⁣⁣

⁣⁣

He reminded me of the amount of love and support we have in our lives.⁣⁣

Why we came back. ⁣⁣

⁣⁣

Baby kicks⁣⁣

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“Stress is not good for baby,” everyone says. ⁣⁣

I know. I know. I know. ⁣⁣

⁣⁣

Baby kicks again.⁣⁣

⁣⁣

Sobbing, I hold my belly,⁣⁣

“I’m sorry baby, moms not okay today⁣⁣

but I know we’ll be okay.”⁣⁣

⁣⁣

———⁣⁣

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Yesterday was #WorldMentalHealthDay. Despite battling depression all my life and feeling like I am fully equipped to overcome these dark days, these recent extreme life changes have been hard. ⁣⁣

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I want to remind you that even if you do everything you can to take care of yourself:⁣⁣

Eat better, exercise daily, meditate, journal and put yourself first, that it’s okay to ask for extra help. ⁣⁣

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I will always be okay. I am resilient and surrounded by love.❤️⁣⁣

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I share these stories so you know you’re not alone and encourage others to share too. The mom support has been amazing & I am so grateful. You’re not alone and your feelings are valid.


#mentalhealth#prenataldepression#prenatalanxiety#pregnancydepression#pregnancystory