grieving my body


This whole pregnancy thing feels like a huge mourning process.⁣

This was unplanned. We were not prepared. It was a surprise that were both adjusting too. *more on the future podcast*⁣

For me, It feels way more real now that it does to him. My body is constantly changing and I notice at least one thing different everyday. ⁣

I’m not mourning my old body and how it looked but rather, ⁣

how it felt. ⁣

I miss⁣

my energy⁣

my painless body⁣

my clear mind⁣

my agility⁣

my “normal” health. ⁣

The extra weight has made it so hard to get comfortable, sitting is hard, laying is hard⁣

walking up the stairs gets me winded.⁣

Everyday I wake up with a new ache.⁣

I couldn’t put what I felt into words. ⁣

I was just so tired and frustrated. ⁣

I reminded myself that it’s okay to feel sad and so... I let myself cry. ⁣

There are many hard days. ⁣

To be blunt, I hate being pregnant⁣

but when I can feel our baby’s little movements, it makes it a little easier to push through. ⁣

I now know why many womxn say they miss being pregnant, ⁣

these moments are magic.